This is the definitive ranking of the nine core Star Wars films, released between the years 1977 and 2019. Through a completely objective CDC and WHO approved algorithm, we have produced a worst-to-best ranking to end all rankings. This algorithm has been vetted and approved by 200 independent 40-year-old basement-dwelling Star Wars super-fans with a collective Star Wars watch time of over 40,000 hours.
In all seriousness, this ranking is the best because I have decided that the sole criteria is "which one do I actually most want to watch right now." A truly pragmatic approach to the "ranked" internet genre.
All dissenting opinions will be labeled hate speech.
Number 9: Return of the Jedi
Weird movie. Last lightsaber battle is pretty good.
Number 8: A New Hope
A little slow, and I'm too tired these days to stick with it.
Number 7: The Empire Strikes Back
See above.
Number 6: Revenge of the Sith
Sheesh, good to be through the original trilogy. This one is great on the lightsaber battles, but a little too serious and heavy-handed to be fun by the end.
Number 5: The Force Awakens
Since I saw this one three (four?) times in theaters, and then bought the DVD, I am pretty tired of it and am also fed up with the obligatory female lead in a movie genre whose fan base has to be at least 75% male.
Number 4: The Phantom Menace
I will watch the first droid attack thing, then glance up occasionally until the showdown with Darth Maul. Totally worth it. I remember the re-release in 3D.
Number 3: The Last Jedi
I enjoyed this one but it's also really dumb, with the boring side-quest of Finn and Rose, Rose's ruined sacrifice at the end, Leia's Mary Poppins moment, etc. Enough excitement to keep me awake, though.
Number 2: Attack of the Clones
I really liked this one as a kid and it's been a long time, and it's just such a fun movie! Assassin! Dexter! Jango Fett! Clones! War! Arena fight! Sand! Mostly a nostalgia ranking here.
Number 1: Rise of Skywalker
I honestly don't remember if I ever finished this one after it lulled me to sleep, so this could be my chance to officially finish the flawless culmination of the Skywalker saga.
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