Welcome to Cleveland

 

Just another October in Cleveland...

The Indians received the gentleman's sweep from the New York Yankees, and will not be heading to their first World Series since their brutal Game 7 loss in 2016. And now Deshaun Watson, who should have been benched weeks ago, who in fact should never have been hired, has now torn his Achilles tendon and forced Stefanski's hand. In the process, the Browns dropped to 1-6 on the season, and they still owe Watson - the worst QB in the league - approximately a million bajillion dollars.

I hope the Cavs' preseason is going OK.

Somehow, it is in moments like these when it feels the most right to be a Cleveland sports fan. This is what's supposed to happen. This is how it's supposed to feel. It's an inevitability. In the last several decades, only LeBron has been able to drag Cleveland out of its long sports nightmare for a brief moment at the top.

Anyway, Nick Chubb is back in action, so at least the Browns have the hope of a good ground game. But it's hard to know what he'll be like coming back from another injury that severe. I'm going to go ahead and briefly predict the future of the three major Cleveland sports teams:

Cleveland Cavaliers: Win 50 games this season, but continue to miss the breakthrough for the next few years. Next title in the mid-2030s sometime.

Cleveland Indians: Fall off significantly next season as everyone realizes it's hopeless to play ball in Cleveland, but experience a resurrection and their first World Series victory in 2040.

Cleveland Browns: This will be the next Cleveland team to win it all - you heard it here first! Let me break it down:

'24-'25: Finish with 3 wins as - shockingly - the backup QB is once again better than our starter. The Haslams finally sell the team to someone competent. Then, in the offseason, that competent someone drafts the future of our team: Heisman winner Ashton Jeanty

'25-'26: Finish with 5 wins as we try to figure out what to do at QB. Jeanty develops and has a strong rookie year.

'26-'27: Finish with 7 wins. We seal the deal on an actually smart trade from the Texans: C.J. Stroud. Jeanty improves further, we lose in the wildcard game.

'27-'28: Finish the regular season with 11 wins. Jeanty is the best back in the league, Stroud one of the best QBs. We lose in the AFC championship game!

'28-29: Super Bowl Champs!!! Finish the regular season with 14 wins, Jeanty breaking all the rushing records as he goes, Stroud best QB in the league. We win the Super Bowl 38-34 against the Ravens, led by 150 rushing yards and 2 touchdowns from Ashton Jeanty, including a game-winning run with seconds left in the 4th quarter to take the lead.